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Shadotora
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Name: Ryan
Birthday: 11/30/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Acting, Singing, Acting, Playing Tuba, Acting, chatting, Acting,Playing RPG's, Acting, Being a semi-counselor type person, ....did I mention Acting?
Expertise: ummm..... Pissing off the teachers?
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/26/2003
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| So I came to the conclusion that i'm a bi-polar poster when it comes to my web pages. Half the time i'm happy, the other half i'm pissed or depressed. The first few weeks I can't stop hoping online to check everything, then I go away for a few months without a problem, only to come back to a torrent of different things in my inbox. Such is the way I work I suppose. Which, unfortunately brings me to the point of this post: Who am I? yea, sorry, this is more along the lines of of the depressing posts so feel free to stop reading now.
So, for those of you choosing to listen to my ranting and bitching here we go!
So I honestly have no clue what's going on with my life. I used to be so bloody happy, and sometimes I still am, quite easily acutally. But on average now i'm just... blah I guess is the most acurate way to put it. I don't feel like doing much, i'm easier to upset, my patience (which was never very long for some things, I know) has become almost nonexistent. I'm not happy with my job because what started out as fun at someplace I didn't mind going to turned has turned into something different. I don't mind most of the people, but there are a few that I don't feel like I can trust anymore, in a professional sense, and one person that it's a constant struggle not to yell at.
My personal life... haha, well, when has that been even remotely normal in the past year? Let's face it, my life is never normal and I DO like it better when it's not, but sometimes just having someone that your interested in that's interested in you that lives close without almost any baggage or other people to complicate things would be wonderful. Let's review, over the past year I have gotten shitfucked by the Ex, and yes, any of you shaking your heads and thinking that I didn't or that she got screwed, you are wrong. trust me, your wrong. Sidenote, how the hell do you go from having problems with a long-term relationship to being engaged? -sigh- I wish them the best though, which is even more fucked up.
Anyway, Finally got interested in someone else and pull the thing that girls say they want: listened, took an interest in what she did (not like it was hard because I like alomst everything we talked about too), and got screwed over after what she even called a wonderful day... greaaaaat. Next up? Oh, then we head to the one with a drinking problem, who smokes like a fiend, and has HUGE guy issues with trust and acceptance. Still might have worked if she wasn't so dead set in wanting the things that happen to her to change without being willing to do anything to change them. I don't need someone that I have to run around behind to make sure they're doing what they need to be and what they say they want to be. Next we come to the current Dilema, a wonderful girl with the same substance problems as the last one and an extra little problem: she's a mommy. Now I love kids, they can get annoying at times but I still love them. But... i'm 20. The problem is that I have it bad for her, which has ended up pissing off the girl above her, A for now, because the second girl, B, and I started hanging out and spending time together. I'm sorry, I like B, alot, and i'm tired of getting screwed over by people.
Oh, and all of that is complicated even more by the simple fact that for the past, oh...6 years I believe, i've been in varying degrees of love with one of my friends. That wouldn't be a problem if she didn't live 2 hours away and attend school even father. She's one of very, VERY few people who have never hurt me though and that alone has granted her an extremely high place in my eyes.
Theres more, such as the wonders of the idiots at the financial aid department, the amazing breaking car, the cram reading for a Midsummer night's dream i've been doing without almost anything sticking, and the simple fact that I need to get the hell out of this place... but those are for another day, or even better, never.
Usstan tlun nau mzild vel'uss Usstan ssiggrin Usstan zhahus, drill ka nindel zhah seke, t'yin vel'uss tlun Usstan?
Bwael isto ussta abbilen
~KouKen Akki | | |
| Have any of you been standing at a crossroad in your life and had to idea which direction to go? Not a fork like College or no college, but a tremendous crossroads? I am right now and to be honest, it's scary as Hell. I’m looking at colleges, professions, friends… everything in my life as if for the first time, like someone had a cloth covering my eyes and it has finally been drawn away. I see where I want to be, where I’m going, where I am and I could help but glance back and wonder about where I have been before. Mainly, I wonder about the people I’ve met and how I have changed them, but more importantly, how they have changed me. I see people that have mattered to me, so many of them without realizing it, and it scares me to think where I might be without all of them.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been the one who knows what he wants to do and where he wants to go with his life, even if it seems like a long shot. When my friends, my "sisters", had thoughts of suicide I could find ways to comfort them. When my family started having money problems... basically for as long as I can remember, I’ve always found little ways to help or at least learned to be happy with what I have because almost every thing I have is only mine because someone else sacrificed for it. I've known what I have wanted to do with my life since I was little, but only began reaching for it after meeting Chuck Snyder and learning that it is possible to have your dreams, but more importantly that, if you reach for your dreams and fight for what you want, even if you fail, you will still be happy in doing it. Now, corny as it may be, I would like to thank quite a few people for what they have done for me.
Chuck R Snyder has done so much for me, more than he will ever know and more than I could ever hope to repay... but I will try because, even in that failure, I will find happiness. That is what he taught me to do, find happiness everywhere in live. Otherwise, what is the worth in living? Reach for your dreams because even if you stumble and fall, there will be someone new waiting to help you back onto your feet and another traveler will join you in your journey.
Thank you Chuck, the only man I have and will ever call Father, for teaching me how to fail.
Dr. Ronald Ruble, a Professor at the Firelands Campus of Bowling Green State University, is largely responsible for my love of theatre. He directed me in my first show, Yankee Doodle, but before that he was my mothers friend and my second Grandpa. He taught me so many of the foundations of my acting and many of my fond childhood memories include him. He showed me how to take the stage and hold an audiences attention, but more importantly he showed me how to support someone else in that same role. He also taught me that the key to a good show, no matter if it is professionally done in a packed million-seat Auditorium, or put on in the neighborhood park for an audiences of parents, is to have a cast that will not only work, but laugh and play together.
Thank you Dr. Ruble, for the foundations of my acting and for showing me that there’s more to a show than just lines and blocking.
Meranda Reino, my ex-girlfriend and performer. We met at the State Fair and instantly hit it off. We ended up dating for about two years before finally going our separate ways. I only recently started trying to talk to her again and am coming to realize more and more that, while we wouldn't have ever worked out as a couple, I’ve been closing myself off to someone who could be one of my best friends, for no better reason than stupidity. She was also the first person I claim to have loved, and that has not changed. She is a wonderful person that I have been treating like shit because... no, the is no reason, I simply have and I am sorry for that.
Thank you Meranda, for teaching me to love and to hold onto it for as long as possible because it is rare.
Jason Kramer, My Lord where to begin. Jason was the Director for the Fremont Community Teen Theatre, with my first show under him being Godspell. I'll never forget my audition. He wanted to get a feel for us, as people, so he was asking us a few questions in groups onstage. When I responded that I liked to play RPG's in my free time, he asked if that included D&D, to which I said yes. When I commented that I hated the first edition of the game though, we got into an argument across the theatre in which I ended up insulting him and his stupid 1st edition rules. When I left those auditions I thought I was toast. I mean, insulting the director is usually a good way to screw over any chance of getting into a show, let alone a good part... I ended up getting Judas in that show and loving it. From that point on Jason and I have been wonderful friends, talking about subjects ranging from acting techniques to dating to even religion. He's like my big, fuzzy brother and I wouldn't trade my friendship with him for the world.
Thank you Jason, for being the big brother I never knew I was missing until we met.
Chuck R Snyder has done so much for me, more than he will ever know and more than I could ever hope to repay... but I will try because, even in that failure, I will find happiness. Thank you Chuck, the only man I have and will ever call Father, for teaching me how to fail.
Joshua Jones and Jonathan Smith, my brothers of the same color... sort of. The two of you have been there for me since elementary school. We've been geeks together and we've hung out, but we've also been at odds before and I’m sure will be again. Never once have either of you spoke out against me for my imagination, my hopes, my actions or my dreams, and I thank you for that. Everything from band to plays, gaming nights to girls, you both have stood by me, even if it was just to laugh when I fell. But that's ok because every time I fell you both helped me up so that we three could laugh together.
Thank you Jon, for trusting me enough to talk to me, and being patient enough to help pick me back up and dust myself off no matter how many times I fell.
Thank you Josh, for always knowing when I was bullshitting but not calling me on it, and for knowing when I needed to talk, but respecting me enough to let it be in my own time.
Kevin Owens, don't worry I could not and would not forget you in all of this. Kevin, well, he is my brother, plain and simple. White, red-haired and freckled as Hell, but my brother nonetheless. Kevin has been my friend since before I can even remember and he's always know what's going on with me, even if I don't always tell him. We grew up together, playing pokemon together then Vampire the D&D... we still have arguments about Pokemon once in a blue moon and we can still remember the theme song with a little bit of effort. Kevin has seen me at my worst and my best and through both he has stood next to me. He is one of few people who can actually read me like a book, despite what some of you may think, and he always knows which of my buttons to push to get me back on my feet fastest when anything gets me down. Kevin will be the best man in my wedding when I finally get married... which is part of why I almost fear having a bachelor party with him at is head.
Thank you Kevin, for being my brother with pier.
Emily Pierce... yes, I know this is an odd place for her to show up but you'll all get over it. Emily and I dated for just under a year. Since then I have tried to get back together with her, make her jealous, be friends with her, be civil towards her, make myself stop loving her, and even hate her...they almost all failed. She is the single person aside from Kevin that can read me so easily and know exactly what I’m thinking and that... scared me. It still does actually. But that all matters not at all because she did one other thing for me for which I will be eternally grateful: She taught me that love is worth it. Not the love you hold for your mother and father, your friends, or even most of us for our boy and girlfriends, but just love. It doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't have to be reasonable and it certainly doesn't have to offer any explanations for anything it makes you do. Love simply is and, when you find it, you will move heaven and Earth to keep it because nothing else matters as much as love does. We aren’t currently talking, but I hope that someday we can. Until that day, know that you also have my thanks Mia Amato Cuore, for showing me Love's worth...
Finally, Robin Mygrant, AKA Mama Mygrant. She has supported every single thing I have done, be it acting, singing, working, or simply going through life. She raised me as a single parent with help from my grandparents. We have been dirt poor my entire life, but she's always provided for me. She has broken her back, twice, has only 60% of her lungs left after an accident while she was in the Navy, has Arthritis, Asthma, and suffers my Migraines at least once a week usually. She has also, however, made it to every single show I have done, every Band concert since 4th grade, every choir concert I have sang in around the area and made so many trips down to the State Fair, a 2 1/2 hour drive for reference, that she could make the drive blindfolded without a problem. She introduced me to Shakespeare when other kids were having Dr. Seuss read to them and drove me back and forth to play practices for 7 years. She taught me to respect life, freedom and differences in everything from Political beliefs to religion. Almost anyone that knows me could tell you that she made me into a bigger feminist than half the women I know (Who would also thank her for teaching me how to rub backs now that they benefit from it). In the shitstorm-sweepstakes of life she got dealt a losing hand, yet still she has done all this and managed, occasionally only with extreme effort, not to kill yours truly.
Thank you Mom for being... well, my wonderful mother. Te amo mia madre.
~ Thank you from Your Friendly and, for the first time in a long time peaceful, Neighborhood Tan Man | | |
| So, about this whole updating thing.... It's gonna be fun and happy this time! *gasp* I know! Weird huh? Anyway, so, let's review, I finally decided that I was tired of being pissed and getting screwed for being a good guy and that I just didn't give a fuck anymore. Right afterwards, I felt ridiculously better and things started to go uphill again. Now, while experience has proven to me that this is really just a lead up to letdown, I'm gonna atleast enjoy it while it lasts.
Anyway, so, Work is entertaining, well, aside from my boss trying to hurt herself by dropping steel all around her, but she's ok so I'm happy. School, well, it's school but it's all good anyway because term is coming to an end and I actually am starting to feel confident about my juries for once. My life outside of school... well, that is currently absolutely wonderful.
So, this past weekend, I went down and visited a bunch of my friends. I got off work Friday and went straight down to OWU to hang out with Jon. After some very fucked-up directions I found his dorm, gave him some shit he needed from home, and then he explained a couple concepts about O-Chem to me, which was only entertaining because he said that if I understood it he'd smack me and I did but I have yet to be hit, yay! Anyway, we walked around campus for awhile and he showed me his Frat house, or atleast where he's pledging at, and then we went to the soccer game. Now, ya'll know just how much I love sports.... yea, so I was like "Whatever" while thinking that this was gonna blow. Well, long story short I ended up cheering more for the OWU soccer team in one night then I did for the Bellevue Redmen in four years of Marching Band. I kinda felt dirty for it, and then really did when I started making up harmony for the OWU cheer-song.
After departing Jon's I went down to Otterbien and saw all the lovely ladies down there (Abbey, Dani, Becky, Mindy, Britton, and, of course, Claire... i'll explain later) Anyway, so we all just kinda hung out in the dorms and the Amy came to see everyone, yay! Then abbey and I went with Amy back to her house to crash. After chatting for awhile we decided to put in Power Rangers: the Movie, of which I think I watched about 20 minutes of before pulling a Jon and falling asleep. Upon waking in the morning I saw Mama Humphrey and we went to the grocery store. Came back to their house, showered and changed, then headed out to Otterbien to pick up Claire.
*Sidenote, Claire is one for Abbey's friends who I think is amazing and I asked to go on a date with me a little while ago. Amazingly enough, she said yes and it made me a happy Tan Man*
Got to otterbien about half and hour late, but it was ok because Claire wasn't ready yet anyway. We went to a private Art Gallery in Westerville where we preceded to half like a half-hour chat with one of the artists there (she paints a lot of Cats and Dogs and she used to work in the Medical department at UCLA... I think that's the right school). Then we went to the Columbus Museum of Art and started in on the Religion topic and, believe it or not, I actually enjoyed it! It was wonderful to have someone be willing to listen to me on that one and actually give me their opinion as well. After spending a few hours at the Museum we headed to Panera Bread... just the wrong one to meet Amy and Abbey. Sorry ladies. But it turned out ok because Claire took my Panera Virginity and we all ended up back at the Dorm watching Everlasting Sunshine, which is a wonderful movie personally. Then, since she loves it so much, Claire and I went back to her room and used the giant stuffed puppy I got her (she was homesick for hers so I thought it would help) as a floor cushion while we watched the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe that I brought with me from home. I was thinking to dance with her for awhile after that, but she had a meeting so I hung out in Abbey and Dani's room watching the Lion King, getting rubbed, and laying on top of Abbey for a few seconds until Claire and Manny came back from their meeting. Then we kinda Ganked part of the bed and finished watching the Lion King. Crashed at amys again, God bless her... and Mommy.
Got up Sunday, visited for a little while, then came home and picked up my little cousin. He hung out with me and the SOTA kids all day and then I took him home, drove home, and crashed. Right now I kinda have to go though because I have a masterclass at 5:30. Anyway, later all (See Manny, I didn't say Kids just for you)!
I also saw Liz Loar, my No Pants, this weekend, yay!
~Your Happy Neighborhood Tan Man | | |
| ...OK, sorry, random Godspell moment right there. But seriously, what is? In a day and age where entire countries are torn apart because their leaders or "rulers" are idiots, where people getting gunned down every day is no longer something out of the ordinary, where women can choose to kill a new life growing within them because it's "inconvienent," what IS still noble?
OK, sorry, now that I have THAT random rant out of my system. Let's move on. OK, so for all of my distance friends (or just those of you that I suck at staying in touch with around here), here is an update on what's been going on in Ryan's life. So, first and sadly foremost, my girlfriend of almost a year decided to break up with me.... yea, not so good. It's kinda problematic when you get told everythings ok and then run face-first into a wall of things you never knew were wrong. Anyway, she says that it's the only way that she can grow up and that I can't give her the love she wants... For just about any of you who know me... for just about anyone who's ever atleast felt like they were in love, you understand that her feelings and needs come first, even when they tear your asunder. So, we are no longer together, not by my choice, but because I love her and she cannot be made to see that I love her. So be it, I have tried, and now I must place any hope of being with her into... *smile* into fates hands and try to move on.
Grah, happier note! So, i'm currently working at Sam's Club in Sandusky, which is ok. It only kinda sucks when people ask idiotic questions or when we're running really slow. Other than that, it rocks! My team lead, Margie, is just as much a sarcastic smartass as I am and she even gave me an entire happybunny calendar, which of course made me freckin' love her!
I have a car now... it's older than me but it runs so i'm happy. Along with that, I got a speeding ticket at about 6:35 in the morning on my way to work... not so happy. Waved bye-bye to $130 because of that... stupid state highway patrol...
The oldest living member of my family died about two weeks ago. I didn't really know her, but I had to go to the funeral and I felt horrible because I wasn't upset at all while some of my family balled, so that sucked.
On the upside, my lessons at school seem to be going well. It sucks that almost all of my songs are love songs, but hey, thats my luck. I think our concerts this semester are going to rock... for a choir whos average age is about 50.... yea, but SOTA should be good anyway. Yay for random "When harry met sally" references.
Um, sweetest day, believe it or not, rocked. I ended up calling some of my female friends to chat and catch up. I kinda started doing it as a way to distract myself from what day it was and all that buoll, and ended up talking to one of my gorgeous friends for, oh, about 8 1/2 hours. I thought it was amazing, espically since I hate talking on the phone for very long. YAY random rants about the Power rangers that somehow shifts into a religious debate!
OK, that's should be tome-like enough to update you on my random life. I'll catch you all later, k? bye-bye!
~Your Random and Recovering Neighborhood Tan Man | | |
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